i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
