Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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