if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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