I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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