Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
