I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
