You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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