So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
