hotel room ftw
Your tits are I can't wait for
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
