There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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