Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
