I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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