I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
