You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Text me some of your sweat
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