Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
