he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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