he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
