so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
