My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
