it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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