Pappa wants mamma naked
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
