i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
