never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
