So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
