i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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