PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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