The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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