She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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