I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
