At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
