Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
