Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
