We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
