I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
