Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
