And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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