Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize