yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
