The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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