yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
