I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
