do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My vagina is officially offended.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
