I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
