I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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