she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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