remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
