do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
