you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
