So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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