I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
