tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
