i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
