At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
