If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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