Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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