Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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