I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
