some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
