Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
