you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
