Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
