Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
