found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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