So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
