Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
