those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
