he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
